Dum , Rum and Bum

Procrastination is a big problem with me . Sometimes I just cant get enough of delaying things . It's been almost two months since I have posted and the reason is not that I didn’t write anything but just that I didn't post them. I had four posts in hand but just couldn't post it . I was not in the right of moods the last month and everytime I took one of the posts to put it in the blog , I felt better not . And yesterday I deleted the word document that had all the posts . After the usual "why the hell did I delete all that?" feeling , I decided I should definitely post today . Also I am encouraged by the increased appreciation I have got for my blog . Feels good and everyone thinks I am very funny and hilarious . I guess they haven't read some of the blogs I have been reading , otherwise they wont even visit mine if they want something funny to read . Blogs from kickass indian females(the kind i like..hehe) from which you can learn more about life than from anywhere else . You also learn other things like their boob size and what happened the last time they went to the gynac. Not the dirty details you despo, just the experience but then , even if it is, what the f**k . Arent we adults . And don't you squirm reading this guys. I know you have been discussing women (of the naked kind) from school like me . And you gals , if you think the spectacled software engineer groom from US or Bangalore , whom your parents got you engaged to has only been studying in school and college , now go face the truth . Believe me, it is better being this way , otherwise you are more likely to file for a divorce for his abstinence .

Coming back to the topic ( did I start on that in the first place) I was searching for something to post. I got up this morning and the first thing that ran through my mind were the words "DUM , RUM and BUM" . No idea why this happened , may be left over from a dream ( oh man , I want to know what that dream was ). Anyways , the phrase ” Dum , Rum and Bum ” used to be my " What's up?" statement while chatting . Lets get something straight .What do boys chat about ? booze , fag and girls . They dont chat about global warming , inflation and Deepika Padukone hooking up with Ranbir Kapoor . They have their own worries which are mostly about the three things I mentioned . So why the “Howvu?” , “How is work ?” and all that crap . Get to the point . Like this ….

CASE 1 : When somebody pings me ( things in brackets are my thoughts )

Friend : Hi da…. (I have no idea why they put all those dots after each line , but then who cares )

Me : Hi

Friend : Howvu ?

Me : I am fine . Howvu ?

Friend : I am good da . Howz work ?

Me : Going on machi . What else can I do apart from writing buggy code ? The same stuff . What about you ?

Friend : Great da (So, there is something great about coding too ? ). I finished a Sun certification (*yawning*) . Planning for switch (When did you ever stop switching?) . You planning to switch ?

Me : What makes you think I can pass a technical interview ? Only I know how i got this job even . No such plans what so ever .

Friend : So, planning for some studies then . I have been thinking of executive MBA . We are too late for a full time MBA .

Me : Too late ????….WTF….dont talk like some 40yr old . So how are the babes in your office ….

See now that’s where the really chat starts .

CASE 2 : When I ping :

Me : Hi sir

Friend : Hi da…howvu?

Me : Fine .What's with Dum ,Rum and Bum ?

See now that’s how quick I do it . Cut the crap about certifications , job switch and Executive MBA. Get to things that matter most in life .

If you still haven’t got it, DUM means fag, RUM means booze and BUM means girls . Though my writing may sound a little lewd , I totally respect women and the word BUM is just for the rhyming . Come on gals , how can I degrade you , you are all sweet hearts . So lets keep the “BUM “ out off this post though out of the three I am more of an expert(ahem..ahem) in this . In fact I am not even a trainee in DUM and RUM .Yeah….Yeah I don’t booze or fag . If what’s running in your mind is “What???This a**hole doesn’t drink???? ” then you are not alone . You have the company of all those who I know in this beautiful beautiful world . But things may change . I may start and believe me I will become an expert in no time . That’s how compulsive and addiction prone I am . But then this life is a little boring . I have always believed in “variety is the spice of life “ thing. I try for variety in everything in life but I have never got into boozing . Why ? . Is it because I want to portray myself as a good boy .Bull sh*t . The last time when somebody said I was a good boy was when I started learning addition . Even if you give a crore rupees to my friends , they wouldn’t say I am a good boy . They will probably hit you.So be careful . Girls may say so , but then from when did guyz start showing their real self to girls (if you are the girl friend of one of my friends , consider you never read what you just did and he doesn’t booze or drink like he has promised you (*wink*)). So now that I really don’t have a reputation to keep , I think I can start . Anyways , it wouldn’t change things much when .Already everybody who knows me thinks I booze but lie that I dont . No more need I order Mocktails ,which buy the way is no cheaper than the cocktail my friend sitting next orders , no more need my friend have to order a pitcher(spelling right ???) and tell me to take a snap with it and no more need I just have chicken with coke when the guyz around who are on a high wonder where did all the chicken go ? .

And one thing to all these boozers , just because you drink , you are not cool and become the yo-yo dude in the crowd . It is just because you want others to think you are cool , that you booze . Only we (non-boozers) know how emotional you get once you are on a high . Don’t gimme the cool dude crap to me . Remember 9 out of 10 cool guys don’t drink .

Update in life : More people around me now call me Leo (my new nick) and I like it.